My Testimony
A godly mother and a very difficult father raised me. Making
peace with my childhood has been a great part of my adult relationship
with God. My parents weren't the worst. I was provided for and
clothed, all my physical needs were met; but both of my parents were
distant, fearful people. They were doing their best, I assume, under
their current level of healing from their own wounds. I have no
animosity toward them.
As a result of my parents inattention I remain somewhat overly
sensitive. While I am learning to put away fear by accepting the
unconditional love and care of God, I still am tempted to fear rejection
and abandonment. Yet Father (God) is providing many demonstrations of
His abiding love and acceptance. Through the Spirit's revelation of His
"Word" to me, and through other Christians friends, I am continually
experiencing healing. Furthermore, I am certain that when I have fully
accepted His acceptance of me, I will be completely whole.
My relationship with Father began at a very early age. During my
preschool years I remember playing and singing and being aware of a real
presence of an all-loving Being. No, it wasn't an "invisible friend"
conjured up in my mind. It was a real Being, in fact more real than any
other person.
At the age of six we moved a few miles away and my aunt began to take me
to church. Upon hearing of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit; I recognized
Him as the person I had always known, who was always with me. The
preacher talked about becoming His child by believing in Jesus, and I
believed.
Since God rescued me so early on, I avoided much heartache. I had made
a decision to follow one "small voice". As time progressed, however,
there have been times when I have strayed from the truth. These
decisions have always resulted in pain and loss. I repeat, always,
without exception. The Word of God is true -- a light for our path. He
wants us to know how to live the most fulfilling life. He is not a
cosmic killjoy! Instead He wants us to have the fullness of joy and
life. He generously offers love, life, peace, and every fulfilling thing.
Yet like a foolish child I sometimes fail to be willing to delay
gratification. I trade off ultimate fulfillment for immediate pleasure.
But when I bring these things to the light, He doesn't scold me or shame
me. Instead He comforts me. He shows me that I have learned an
expensive lesson which He could have taught me for free. He says
something along these lines; "I am sorry you ran off and hurt yourself
again. I tried to tell you that you were fixing to run into a brick wall.
Come here, let me clean you up." So, I live and learn; the easy way or
the hard way, its up to me.
At the risk of turning this into a sermon, let me ask: Do you know what
God wants from you? Do you know? Yes it pleases Him when we follow His
guidelines, because that is what is best for us. But we can't do that
on our own. So, do you know what He wants? He wants us just to open up
our hearts and LET Him love us. No strings attached. He just wants to
love us. But we are afraid and we feel unworthy, so we hold back and
hide.
This is my testimony, my experience. If you let Him love you, you will
learn who you really are to Him and this knowledge will empower your
life. Don't worry about changing your behavior first. The knowledge of
who you are in unity with Him will change you from deep inside. You
will come to live by the quintessence of the law which is love. And
this truth will manifest in your life, "the son of man did not come to
be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."
I pray that all may come to know the hidden, secret truth of "Christ in
you, the hope of glory." Many blessings to all and Agape'